THIS ONE’S a DOOZY, but  with ME.

Okay first things first.  When I decided to start this blog, or stream of consciousness, or cheap digital excuse to complain/pretend I’m important blah blah blah I sat there wondering: Yes, I have an image, or goal, or eventual end that this type of thing will (ideally) help me obtain…Cool.  But what am I actually doing here?  Why should I hope or expect that you’ll all like ME?…or what I’m saying… wearing,

listening to,

taking pictures of,

dying of laughter over,

or my personal favorite- who in their right mind would enjoy hearing about my crying? Crying, yes.  But not because I feel sad, or resentful, or angry- Crying, after briefly tasting the beautiful simplicity that most of us, inherently stupid, manage to overlook basically every waking moment we experience.  In realization of the fact that purely being alive is exactly what it is that makes me so eccentrically pumped all the time, I began to feel something pretty profound.  This wasn’t a feeling, or an emotion exactly, but instead a kind of benevolent drive that told me to start spreading this excited-ness as far as I possibly could.  Better yet, it came straight from my core.

Sitting there, wanting to blast off all by my big boy self, I got really excited.  With my mind racing continuously, I hatched a plan that was sure to elevate me straight to the top of the pyramid.  The problem was my plan involved nothing that resembled a game plan, so while I was sitting there starry eyed, essentially playing with myself, I felt a pang of fear and self-doubt.  I then realized that for some reason, I was waiting for my very own decidedly divine experience, some guiding hand to make itself apparent and with a flourish direct me, saying “THIS WAY TO A PILE OF MONEY.”

Obviously this did not, and will not happen without a little ‘practice’ first.  I was initially bummed about having to do this the ‘hard’ way, however knowing is a step in the right direction.  After the cathartic realization that I’ll have to forge my own silver platter, I cut the thrusters a bit.  Time to slow down, metaphorically smoke a bowl… and really tap in to the drive that got me to the launch pad in the first place.

I began considering the idea behind my feeling of literal propulsion.  Whatever this energy is, squandering it on menial bullshit was and is a waste of time.  Almost worse than wasting the opportunity to dive into life, so to speak, would be to jump so far ahead of myself that I collapsed a foundation built on legs that were far too spindly. In order to build this bitch, and do it right, I’d need to establish my image- something definitive and tangible, and I’d need funding (eventually).

And so ECLECTRIX blipped into existence, small and inextricably entwined with my being, it has started to define itself as it defines me.  As the spiral continues upward, only positivity can come from dedication, and as strained and/or fake as this may seem, proof of legitimacy only shows over time.

Dont worry, it’s confusing to me too at times, but something of this nature begins like in a cinematic changeover, where life keeps going and no one in the audience has any idea…yet.